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Itchy and freaking out (34w1d)

You guys, I think I may have PUPPPs, I am freaking out.

I am not sure that I have it. I hope to god that I am wrong. I have never wanted to be more wrong in my entire life. When I was pregnant with E, I got PUPPPs two days before my due date, and it lasted until two weeks after she was born. I know it sounds like an extreme thing to say about a rash, but it was some of the worst hell I have ever been through--and that was less than three weeks of it. I would rather have had hyperemesis again this pregnancy than PUPPPs. I would rather have a C-section than have PUPPPs. As this woman says on her site, about her PUPPPs experience, I remember seriously thinking that if I could, I'd seriously consider trading the PUPPP for something that could potentially kill me but at least wouldn't itch.

This rings 100% true. I would rather nearly any pregnancy complication that isn't harmful to the baby over PUPPPs.

My feet are itchy in a couple of places. This might be because of bug bites. I definitely have a couple of bug bites on my arm. But what is really concerning to me is the little bumps on and around the knuckle of one finger on one hand, and the same on the other hand.

It's not terrible right now. It's not unbearable. And I am hoping and praying that it's just callouses, or bug bites, or heat rash, or something else mild and easily treatable, and that I am freaking out over nothing. I would be so happy to be freaking out over nothing.

I still have six weeks left to go for this pregnancy. SIX WEEKS. If I get PUPPPs now, if I have it for six weeks or more--I think I'll have to kill myself. How am I supposed to go to work with PUPPPs? How am I supposed to pick up my daughter? If I really do have PUPPPs, I think I will most likely beg for an induction at 38 weeks. I don't think I'm strong enough to withstand two additional weeks of PUPPPs hell if I have an out.

And beyond that, if I really do have PUPPPs, I am not sure I will ever be brave enough to get pregnant again. We want more children after this one, we always have, but while I am willing to risk hyperemesis and fat feet and nausea and back pain and discomfort and being huge, if I feel like PUPPPs at the end of pregnancy is a guarantee, I am not sure I can do this another time.

I am tackling this one with the determined fury of an underdog general. I have been using tea tree oil. Today, I picked up a prescription for temovate (my doctor wrote it for me in March, because I had an itchy belly and was freaking out that it was a harbinger of PUPPPs. I was hoping I'd never have to use it.) I am ordering Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap. And I am doing my best not to itch, and not to freak out.

I don't have PUPPPs. I don't have PUPPPs. I don't have PUPPPs.

But the bumps on my fingers look suspiciously like how I remember PUPPPs starting as last time. I hope I'm wrong. I'm so scared that I'm right.

I don't have PUPPPs. But what if I do?

A short post, in list form

Things that frighten me:


Things I am trying not to think about:




I've been away from this journal for a while. Mostly been using my paper journal. Going through some stuff, but I miss this place. Thinking about making a comeback. We shall see!


Persephone, Falling

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May 2012


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